Dating horrors.....

Warning before you read this just know that there will be some real horror stories of my dating mistakes, woes, etc. Be prepared it should make you laugh,smile, and say what the heck? So here we go.. I am over 50 and made sure on the dating site to put that I had morals standards. First and most importantly yes I actually put it on my dating profile that if Sex was all you wanted to keep on moving...Also I made sure to put I go up and down in weight due to steroids I take for my rare disease...Remember that part. Date 1: After several weeks of emailing, texting, we decide to meet. All seems find. He understands I want a gentleman.We meet for dinner at Chilis or Applebees anyhow we meet. I can tell he has sized me up and isn't happy.But I figure I can sit through a lousy date for an hour, hey I got out of the house right? Sitting at the table we order our dinner, here is the conversation... Me: So be honest I am not your type right? I can tell you were disappointed. Date: Well yeah you have a pretty face but are too fat for me. Me: Say what??? You really just said that? Date: Well you said you wanted honesty. Me: Well thats okay I wanted a gentleman also and can see I am not getting one. Date: If you want I could lower my standards and sleep with you tonight. Me: (I stand up, take a sip of my water and then oops...oh yeah I threw it in his face. Date: What the """"" Me: Well if you dont know what its for I cant help you. I start to walk away, two or three people at other tables over heard and start clapping. Date: Yells...nooone walks away from me, I mean come on look at me... I said yeah look at you... Jerk in a booth..and I walked out the door. And just to clear it up I did throw $10.00 on the table to cover my dinner that hadnt even shown up yet. He was lucky that wasnt on his head...oh I am so so so bad.... Date 2: After 3 long months, phone conversations, and lots of honesty I drove to Idaho to meet my date. Dinner went great he was a real neat guy..oh no yea can you feel it coming.. until.... He had 6 bedrooms and lived by himself. He gave me the keys to one of them so I could have my own room and feel secure. He goes to bed, I lay on couch in living room fully clothed watching TV. I fall asleep. Now before you rush to judgement It was my mistake going up there but to be fair it was an hour and a half away...anyways back to the date. I wake up after about an hour to someone grabbing my chest. I immediately jump up saying what the heck. I look over and my date is standing there buck naked as the day he was born. Wow I say, I mean wow what the heck? Date: Well come on baby you know you want me look at this body. Me: (I did not say anything. I grabbed my purse, my shoes and ran..........at 3 am drove all the way home feeling stupid! Date 3: Again I was honest and up front with all these men. This one really seemed to be sweet. I even let him pick me up rather then meeting him. We get to chilis and have a good snack and good conversation. He is holding my hand, commenting on my eyes and how pretty they are. Geez he might actually be normal. I even text my daughter saying wow a good date for once. BOY was that my first mistake. He takes me home. I let him know I like him but am tired and need to go take my son home. Date asks for hug. I say sure and hug him. He is holding my hand. Next thing I know he grabs my hand shoves it onto his privates saying see baby what you do to me? I was really bad here so warning this is the bad part... I smacked his private parts and said no thanks. and oh yes I do NOT want another date. His comment. Whats wrong with you I thought you should see what your missing.. Oh Heavenly Father if there is one man left alive who is single and semi normal please send him my way.. but unless a bolt of lighting hits I am almost ready to give up dating.... Until later my friends. I am cuddling up with my pillow and some tv time.