Long Before Life

Something happened 35/36 years ago, I was young, naive and had no idea what life would bring.
Fairy tales were some thing I still wanted to believe in, and in the most unusual thing happened,
you found me, you made me smile, made me laugh, and made me feel at home around you.
We became friends, great friends, then feelings grew.
I was being told so much behind the scenes, things I have shared with you, things I have not
but you made me feel accepted, you showed me that you had faith in me, and you showed me that
you were the first person who ever loved me outside of family.

I was told I wasn't mature enough for you, I was not good enough for you, by my friends, by your friends, by family, it was a battle we tried to fight and stay together.
You were a gentleman, you made me feel special, the day you gave me your class ring to wear, well I
felt as if I had the moon. the day I had  to give it back was hard, but onward to our story.

A story of friendship, love, tragedy, all the great things that people like to read. You convinced my parents to let you take me to prom, my dad helped me buy the biggest pinkest dress, with the poof at the bottom, like in olden days.
I felt like a fool when right before prom people said things that you and I both know now are not true.
But I was told you had someone else, but for some reason you could not take her because your parents
didnt approve. I was told you asked me so everyone would think you were over her.
At prom I told you I was crying because of a missionary I had written to,how could I tell you that I was going to tell you how I loved you, how yes I wanted us to be together forever,  what a great friend you were, and then I found out that supposedly you were in love with someone one else.
So I cried, embarrassed myself, embarrassed you, I believed those stories because I truly thought those
 involved were doing the best for me, and now I know they did not think I was good enough.

You held me as we danced, you dried my tears, you even told me how sorry you were my heart  was broke, while at the same time your heart had to hurt. If only we had known the sabotage we were both
going through, I know they thought they were helping, but they caused us to both have the greatest separation of love I could have ever endured. I had to wait 33 years to tell you.

When I was raped right after I graduated I could not tell you what they had done to me, I could not share my pain, my confusion, I was shattered. I could not tell you what your friends had said, I thought they always had your best interests at heart. They were right I was damaged then and you deserved better.
Life took us both down other roads, mine a road of heartache, love, happiness yes, but never finding
what I had already had in my life.

Some days I feel guilty for loving you, I know I should not, but then I realize I love you with the purest
of hearts, with the purest of intent, missing my friend, missing that quiet connection we shared.
I wonder at times why I feel as if everything pulls me back to you, always back to you.

A story never finished, a book never closed, a chapter where the end was never found.
We have a story that I am not sure even we know where and what could have been.
I will always love you, I will always miss you, I have had 2 great men in my life who I loved and lost.
You were the first, you were the one i knew in my heart I was always being pulled towards.

Do you remember at the skating rink, it had been over 20 years, I was tired, and in my grubby's, I had
a whole bunch of children for a party, I looked up and you smiled, I smiled. The feeling when you walked towards me and hugged me was unreal.

We were old friends reconnecting, some may read this and see something inappropriate  but you have to know that as with all written things they can be taken many ways.
It seems "coincidental" that at the moments in my life I need you, I need your friendship, I need the person who loved me, we run into each other in some way.

Time has not dulled my senses, it has not changed how I have felt,if anything I have learned I loved you more. Because when I told you the truth, and let you know I never left you, not by choice..you forgave me. The healing happened and I felt as if I could breathe.

I feel as if God puts those we need in our lives,
You made me feel loved, accepted, needed, appreciated, for just being myself.
You believed when the world didnt, you saw who I was meant to be.

I feel like the moment you gave me your high school ring it would symbolize our relationship
A circle of love, friendship, strong, powerful, never ending....

You have my undying thanks, appreciation, support at my weakest moments, and a lifetime of love.

"For My Friend".............