My Diary For Me, For You, For Growth,

"One of us moved on, One of us got stuck,.."

When I was told that time was short, that I would never get sicker and slowly pass like most.
That I would just be here, then gone I had a long talk with Heavenly Father.
I only wanted a few things and would do whatever was asked by them.
Call it crazy, call it strange or unreal. But I asked that I was able to see my girls get out of high school
and start their lives, 2: I asked that I was able to see my daughter get married, and 3: I asked to feel love again, the kind that turns everything around in my heart the kind that leaves the impact for the rest of your life.
So now I have had experienced everything, I asked for, I am trying to do what I was asked to do.
There are those who say you do not make deals with Heavenly Father, it was not a deal, just a request.

My Diary For Me, For You, For Growth

Today I woke up and I missed you, more then I have missed you before. I needed you and I could not reach out, I have to quit reaching out.
I would like to say I dont understand why, but I do, you couldnt, or didnt want or didnt need to say
good bye, I cried a little, okay maybe alot.
I picked myself up, and took a deep breath, and moved forward.

I looked  at the sun coming up, I forced myself to be content for a moment, then I heard the song, and
I listened, and cried and again wished I could call you, reach out and just one day, for one day feel
truly connected, like we reached each other, then I wondered why I would wish that.
It was because I wanted to know for one day we were our true selves.
It would never change anything, I doubt you would suddenly want to keep me but i suppose
we all want to know that for better or worse we saw them and they see us.

I decided I would be each day the best version I have of myself, I would not allow the nervousness
to ever return. And I would accept that perhaps even if you saw me for who I am, it would not change
anything at all.

A Little bit stronger, just a little bit, and I know that through helping others I will find my place again.
I will find the happiness of feeling needed, wanted, again.
But for today, I will try to promise myself I will be okay. For today I will promise myself that I will get through today, thats all. I will listen to some songs, find a way to make sure they grow into the ones
where I smile. I do not regret loving you, needing you, so I move forward, day by day.

 I will post again, mostly for me, to grow, to learn, to heal